Christmas, a time of love and joy but also for many it’s a time of grief and sadness, and for quite a few people a time of both. To experience this dichotomy can be quite intense and challenging and yet, it shows that everything co-exists.
I spent the last 4 Christmases alone. Which is crazy because I LOVE Christmas. It’s my favorite time of the year!
And yet, I chose to be with myself and give myself a lot of sacred space to feel all the feels, to process the grief and sadness that were in my heart. I gave myself a lot of healing through feeling and finding new ways of joy.
Taking time to breathe while everyone is doing the same. Enjoying the quiet of the big city.
For the most part I needed to heal my heart. Christmas has it to bring up those things, right? Those matters of the heart.
I was grieving about not having my own family yet, and I was learning to give myself compassion and grace because for a long time I had felt I was failing myself and my dreams.
But I wasn’t failing, I was simply healing. Understanding that everyone’s journey is different and so is mine and there’s nothing to be ashamed about. Throwing away the expectations of others. How liberating!
Over the years I reclaimed my joy for life. You know, that pure and innocent joy… that joy that my little one always had in her beautiful heart, especially around Christmas.
No one could give that back to me but me.
So now, things are different.
Last Christmas I had that c-thing and I couldn’t be in company, and this year is the first year in a long time that I don’t spent Christmas alone. And that I’ll make my new habit
I hope that wherever you are on the feeling spectrum you let yourself feel what needs to be felt and I hope that you are enjoying this Christmas, if you celebrate at all, with the ones you love.