No drama—that’s my motto these days. There comes a time in life when peace becomes a top priority. Maybe it happens after a series of hard lessons, or maybe it comes with age or simply more awareness and self-reflection. For me, it’s been a mix of all of these. At this stage of my life, I crave peace, and I’m very clear about one thing: the people I allow into my world need to be adding to it, not disrupting it.
It sounds simple, but it’s taken me years to learn the power of being selective about who you let in—and even more years to apply that lesson. So, let’s dive into why this matters and how you can start making your peace a priority too. Take this very close to your heart because it will have such a big impact on your well-being. I cannot stress this enough.
The Importance of Being Selective with Relationships
We’ve all heard the saying: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” It’s true, and you’ve probably noticed how much you adapt and take on character traits from those you surround yourself with. The people around us influence our energy, mood, and mindset in ways we don’t always notice right away. Since we’re hardwired to connect, it makes sense that we become the energy we most engage with.
For example, a seemingly harmless friendship can slowly drain you over time, leaving you wondering why you feel stressed or off-balance after every interaction. Have you ever experienced that? You might question your own judgment or excuse them for having a bad day. And sometimes, they don’t even seem to be having a bad day at all; there’s just something in their energy field that feels off, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. So, you let it pass and don’t worry too much about it.
For years, I didn’t realize how much of an effect others had on my well-being. I thought I could handle anyone’s energy—whether uplifting or draining—without it affecting me. Recovering people-pleaser raising her hand here! 😂 Spoiler alert: that didn’t work.
Over time, I started noticing how some people left me feeling lighter, inspired, and supported, while others brought drama, chaos, or a heaviness I didn’t want in my life.
And hey, I’m not saying I wasn’t one of those people for others. I had my fair share of drama, and I’m sure I impacted people in a similar way.
It wasn’t just the obvious drama-lovers, either. Sometimes, it’s subtle—the way someone always brings negative energy into the room or how they’re constantly involved in situations that disrupt your peace. That’s when I knew I needed to be more intentional.
A couple of years ago, I made a pact with myself: I don’t accept anyone’s drama—neither theirs nor mine! And wow, did that shift everything. One by one, people either left my life or I left theirs, and once I set that intention, the immediate effect was fascinating. It was as if my energy naturally repelled the chaos that didn’t align with my peace.
I had to be selective about who I let into my inner circle, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
No Drama, Please
Here’s the thing about drama: it’s contagious. And if you’re like me—seeking a peaceful, steady, and drama-free life—you’ve got to be mindful of people who engage in it, even if they’re not directly causing it themselves. You also have to be honest with yourself about where you might be adding to that energy.
I learned the hard way that people who are always surrounded by chaos often bring it into your life, too, because they, in turn, become the average of the five people they spend the most time with.
There’s always something happening—another argument, another issue, another person they’ve fallen out with. At first, I would tell myself I could support them through it all, but I quickly realized that trying to be the peacekeeper in other people’s chaos only disturbs my own peace. Now, I’m not saying we should ditch people just because they have things going on in their lives—we’re only human, after all—but when it becomes a pattern, that’s when we need to re-evaluate whether that relationship is adding to our well-being or not.
So now, I have a simple rule: no drama. If someone is constantly involved in it, whether they mean to be or not, I take a step back and observe. Sometimes, creating a bit of distance helps you see the bigger picture, and it also makes you more aware of your own relational patterns.
My peace is far too precious to be disturbed by someone else’s mess. That doesn’t mean I don’t support the people I love; it just means I don’t let their drama take root in my life.
And as I said before, as a recovering people-pleaser, that wasn’t easy. The hardest part? Getting real and honest with myself about where I might be contributing to the drama in other people’s lives. Admitting that you’re part of the issue—ouch. But once you do, it opens the door to even more peace and growth. 😉
Knowing Your Worth
At the core of being selective with relationships is one simple truth: you have to know your worth. When you value yourself, you no longer tolerate behavior that takes away from your peace or well-being.
For me, this was a process—a loooooong process. There were times in my life when I didn’t set clear boundaries—total doormat mode—because I didn’t fully understand my own worth. I let people stay in my life who shouldn’t have been there in the first place because I didn’t think I deserved better. Sound familiar?
But as I grew, healed, and worked on myself, something shifted. Little by little, I started recognizing that I’m worthy of relationships that uplift me, not ones that drain me. And as soon as I embraced that truth, it became so much easier to say no to people and situations that disrupted my peace.
It’s a powerful feeling to know your worth and act on it. It’s not about arrogance—it’s about self-respect. And that’s something you should never apologize for.
Setting Strong Boundaries: Your Energy Is Precious
Let me just say it: boundaries are magic. They’re one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that boundaries aren’t just about saying “no” to others—they’re about saying “yes” to yourself. Boundaries protect your energy, your time, and your peace.
For example, I’ve learned to say no to last-minute plans that don’t align with my needs, and I don’t engage with people who consistently test my boundaries or fail to respect my time and efforts. I used to feel guilty about it, thinking I was being “too harsh” or “selfish,” but now I see boundaries as an essential act of self-care. They allow me to show up as the best version of myself for the people who matter most.
Let me be very clear, it’s not about cutting people out of your life or putting up walls—far from it! It’s about honoring your needs, protecting your peace, and clearly communicating how you want to be loved and treated. Self-respect fosters respect for others, and the two go hand in hand.
So, if someone constantly brings negativity into your life, you have every right to set a boundary. Communication is key—having that conversation, expressing your needs, and then observing how they respond or react is crucial.
Remember, your energy is precious—don’t waste it on people who don’t appreciate or respect it.
Learning from Experience: My Personal Lessons
I’ll be honest: I’ve made my share of mistakes when it comes to relationships. I’ve let people in who didn’t deserve access to my life, ignored red flags, and held on to partners or friendships far longer than I should have. But those experiences have taught me invaluable lessons.
I stand by my quote:
Trusting Your Intuition and Letting Go
I’ve learned to listen to my intuition. If something feels off in a relationship, it probably is. And that feeling needs to be communicated. Without proper communication, any relationship is bound to break.
Even though it can hurt, I’ve come to realize that it’s okay to let go of people who no longer align with where I am in life—and I’ve also accepted that others may need to let go of me for the same reason. It doesn’t make either of us a bad person.
Yes, there are dysfunctional relationships and many wounded people out there, reenacting their childhood and relationship traumas. And yes, there are certainly toxic and even malicious people, too. If there’s any form of abuse happening, the only option is to leave as quickly as possible—and make sure you have someone to talk to about it!
I’ve had my fair share of dealing with these kinds of situations, and I cannot stress enough how important it is to do your inner work and have a safe space to express yourself.
After years of healing and reclaiming my worth, the most important lesson I’ve learned is this: protecting my peace is not only my right, but my responsibility.
Protecting Your Peace Moving Forward
IIf there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s that your peace is worth protecting at all costs. Be selective about who you let in, surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you, and set boundaries that honor your worth. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth it.
Take a moment to reflect on your relationships—who brings you joy, and who disrupts your peace? It’s a simple question, but a powerful one. I’m not saying to avoid conflict—let’s be clear: any healthy relationship will have its moments of conflict. In fact, conflict is a great opportunity to grow closer and learn from each other. If you’re wondering how healing and healthy relationships can go hand in hand, check out my blog article Yes, You Can Have Healthy Relationships and Still Heal for more insights.
But if someone is constantly disrupting your inner peace and taking your joy, it might be time to make some changes. And remember, there’s nothing selfish about putting yourself first. Peace is the greatest gift you can give yourself, and it’s absolutely within your power to create it. Trust me, your relationships will get a glow-up, and you’ll be amazed at who enters your life when you make space for healthier connections.
If you’d like to explore the concept of boundaries further, I dive deep into it in my podcast episode On Self-Protection, where I talk about setting strong boundaries to protect your energy and peace.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to dive deeper into your patterns, explore your self-worth, and protect your peace, I’d love to support you on this journey. Book a free clarity call with me today, and let’s work together to create the relationships—and the life—you truly deserve.
Final Thoughts: Peaceful living isn’t about cutting everyone off or being alone; it’s about curating your life to include people who bring love, positivity, and balance. The more you value your peace, the more you’ll attract people who respect and honor it too. And that, my friend, is a life worth living.
Leave a Reply