The holiday season can trigger a whirlwind of emotions, can’t it? Isn’t it funny how, when we hear “holiday season,” our minds often leap to stress, drama, and a mountain of expectations? That doesn’t sound much like a holiday, does it?
It’s supposed to be a time for joy, connection, and love—but for so many, it feels like the complete opposite. It’s the season where the absence of loved ones feels heavier, where we’re reminded of what’s missing, and where expectations—both our own and others’—seem to amplify the pressure to be happy.
But here’s the thing: no one talks about the grief that surfaces during the holidays. The kind that doesn’t necessarily announce itself but instead hides in the moments between laughter, in the quiet of a snowy evening, or in the space where a loved one used to sit.
If the holidays bring you more heartache than joy, know that you’re not alone, and your feelings are valid. I want you to feel seen and heard because I understand how challenging this season can be—it’s one I navigate with its own mix of beauty and difficulty. The holiday season often brings a unique dichotomy: joy and sorrow, connection and longing. But when we reframe it as an invitation for healing, growth, and learning to embrace the complexity of our emotions, we can begin to rewrite our story. We can create a season that holds both space for our grief and awareness of our resilience.
That’s why I felt compelled to write this article—or shall I say, this guide—for you. If you’ve found yourself here, let me start by sending you a giant, heartfelt hug.
This is for anyone who feels the ache of the season in their heart. Whether you’re missing someone you once loved, longing for a family dynamic that doesn’t exist, or grieving the way things should be, you’re not alone. Together, let’s gently dive into and explore the layers of holiday grief without letting it overwhelm us—why it feels so intense, and most importantly, how to navigate it with compassion, hope, and care.
Understanding Holiday Grief
The holidays are often painted as a time of joy, connection, and magic, but for many, they bring a profound sense of loss, longing, and unmet expectations. Holiday grief is complex and multi-layered, touching on emotions that are deeply personal and often difficult to articulate. Let’s take a closer look at some of the common experiences that make this time of year so emotionally charged.
1. Grieving Loved Ones Who Are No Longer Here
This one is deeply personal for so many of us, and for me, it’s one of the hardest parts of the holiday season. The holidays have a unique way of magnifying the absence of loved ones who are no longer with us. Traditions that once brought so much joy—like setting the table, hanging ornaments, or sharing a favorite meal—can now feel heavy with the weight of their absence.
But it’s not just the holiday-specific memories that resurface during this time. The season seems to open the floodgates for all kinds of memories, from the smallest moments—like a favorite joke they used to tell or the way their laughter lit up a room—to the bigger milestones that shaped our lives together. The memories can be bittersweet, bringing both comfort and an ache for what is no longer.
The contrast is especially stark during the holidays. On one hand, there’s the world around us, buzzing with festivity and celebration; on the other hand, there’s the empty space at the table, the quiet where their voice used to be, and the lingering feeling that something—or someone—is missing. It’s as if the joy of the season amplifies the void they’ve left behind.
Grieving loved ones during the holidays also comes with its own layers of complexity. For some, the memories are warm and comforting, a way to keep their presence alive in our hearts. For others, the memories can feel like a sharp reminder of what we’ve lost, leaving us feeling stuck between wanting to honor their memory and struggling with the pain of their absence.
If you find yourself feeling this way, it’s important to remind yourself that grief is a natural reflection of love. It’s okay to carry their memory into the holidays in whatever way feels right for you—whether that’s lighting a candle in their honor, setting aside a quiet moment to remember them, or even talking about them with others who loved them. Your grief is valid, and so is your way of keeping their spirit close during this bittersweet time.
2. Missing People We Once Loved
The holiday season has a way of stirring up old feelings, and sometimes, it’s not just about those who have passed away but also those who have drifted out of our lives. Whether it’s a former friend, an ex-partner, or a family member with whom you’ve become estranged, their absence can feel especially poignant this time of year.
The holidays are a time for connection, celebration, and togetherness. These expectations can make the loss of certain relationships feel even sharper. You might find yourself reminiscing about the laughter you shared, the traditions you once had, or the moments that made those relationships feel so unshakable at the time. Even if the relationship ended for a good reason, the ache of what once was can linger, especially during a season so deeply tied to nostalgia and shared experiences.
There’s a particular type of grief that comes with missing people who are still alive but no longer in your life. It’s the grief of love that didn’t last, of friendships that faded, or of family bonds that unraveled. It’s not just the person we miss, but the versions of ourselves we were when we loved them—the hope, the joy, and the sense of belonging they once brought into our lives.
The season can also amplify feelings of regret or ‘what ifs.’ What if we had tried harder? What if things had been different? What if they’re missing me too? These thoughts can be difficult to sit with, especially when the world around us seems so focused on love and connection. It can feel as though everyone else is basking in joy and togetherness, leaving us alone in our heartache.
It’s okay to acknowledge this grief. It’s okay to miss the people who once mattered deeply to you, even if they’re no longer part of your story. It#s okay to miss older versions of you and others, the joy they brought to life, and all the shared memories made together.
Allow yourself to honor what those relationships meant to you without letting the pain overshadow your present. Sometimes, it can help to write a letter to that person—whether you send it or not—to express what’s on your heart. Or you might choose to channel that love into new connections, traditions, or even a deeper connection with yourself.
Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, and missing someone doesn’t mean you can’t move forward. This season, give yourself the grace to feel all the emotions that come with these memories, while also making space for the relationships that remain and the new connections waiting to be built. If you’re struggling with how to release the pain of what once was, my blog article The Art of Letting Go: Breaking Free from Attachments That Hold Us Back gives you insights and tools to help you gracefully navigate the process of moving forward without losing the beauty of what those connections meant to you.
3. The Pain of Unfulfilled Dreams
For some, the holidays have a way of shining a harsh light on what’s missing, rather than what’s present. The absence of children, a partner, or the feeling of belonging to a family unit can bring a deep and aching grief. The season, with its focus on togetherness and celebration, can feel like a glaring reminder of unfulfilled milestones or dreams deferred.
Perhaps you always imagined a house filled with children’s laughter or sharing a quiet, magical holiday morning with a partner by your side. Or maybe you long for the kind of family gatherings that others seem to take for granted but have never been part of your story. These unfulfilled dreams can make the holiday season particularly challenging, as it seems to amplify what isn’t there, leaving little room to honor the beauty of what is, and to start rewrite your own story.
First, I want to say that it’s okay to acknowledge these feelings and grieve what hasn’t come to pass—grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful for the present. In fact, allowing yourself to feel and process these deep emotions is essential to creating space for new dreams to take shape. However, it’s equally important not to dwell there for too long, letting it become the story you hold onto and identify with.
4. Broken Families and Scattered Connections
Family gatherings during the holidays can bring a bittersweet mix of emotions—or even outright pain—when relationships are fractured or distant. I guess, many of us have experienced it in one way or another. The warm, idealized image of a close-knit family celebrating together can feel out of reach when divorce has reshaped your family dynamics, or when the sale of a childhood home has left you without a shared space to gather.
For some, family members are spread across the globe, making it difficult to connect in person. For others, unresolved conflicts or estrangement may mean certain chairs at the table remain empty, not because of distance, but because of wounds that haven’t healed, and conflicts that haven’t been solved.
The holidays often come with an expectation of togetherness, and when that togetherness feels unattainable or strained, it can amplify feelings of longing, sadness, and even resentment. These moments can awaken a deep yearning for the comfort, stability, and love of a family dynamic that perhaps never truly existed—or no longer feels accessible. And when this reality sets in, it can feel utterly painful and frustrating.
If you’re here, you’re likely on your own healing journey, doing the work, digging deep, and reprogramming yourself. But let’s be honest—it’s brutally hard when you’re the only one putting in the effort, while other family members aren’t walking the same path of growth and self-awareness.
Again, it’s so important to honor and acknowledge these emotions. Grieving the loss of what once was—or what you hoped for—is a natural part of the process. Yet within that grief lies an opportunity to redefine what family means to you. It’s about finding connection in the relationships you choose to nurture and building bonds that bring you peace, joy, and a sense of belonging.
6. Nostalgia and the Loss of Childhood Innocence
There’s a unique kind of grief that comes up when the holidays no longer feel magical. As children, the season often carried a sense of wonder—twinkling lights, the excitement of gifts, and the warmth of family traditions that seemed timeless. But as we grow, the carefree joy of childhood gives way to the weight of adult responsibilities, the passage of time, and the realization that some of that magic has faded.
This nostalgia can feel bittersweet, pulling us back to moments when life felt simpler and lighter. We might find ourselves yearning for the innocence and wonder of those years, even as we acknowledge the complexities of our present lives. The contrast can be stark—what once felt enchanting can now feel like a checklist of obligations, leaving us longing for the joy we used to know.
But here’s the thing: the magic of the holidays doesn’t have to disappear—it can evolve. By honoring those childhood memories while creating new, meaningful traditions that resonate with who you are today, you can rediscover the joy and wonder of the season with the help of connecting with your inner child in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling.
7. Expectations vs. Reality
The holidays often arrive wrapped in a dazzling package of societal and personal expectations. We’re surrounded by messages about the perfect celebration: glowing families gathered around extravagant feasts, homes beautifully decorated, and everyone brimming with joy and holiday spirit. Social media only amplifies this, with carefully curated images of festive cheer and connection, making it easy to fall into the trap of comparison.
When your reality doesn’t match this idealized version, it can stir up feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and even resentment. The unspoken pressure to create a flawless holiday—whether it’s hosting the perfect dinner, finding the perfect gifts, or pretending everything is okay—can be overwhelming. Instead of joy, the season can feel like a constant reminder of what’s missing or what’s not measuring up.
It’s important to remember that these expectations are often rooted in illusion. Behind those picture-perfect photos and cheerful facades, everyone is navigating their own struggles. The holidays don’t need to look like a postcard to be meaningful.
This season, give yourself permission to redefine what “perfect” means. Let it be messy, real, and grounded in what truly matters to you. Maybe that’s a quiet evening with loved ones, a simple meal, or even just a moment of stillness to reflect. When you release some or even all of the weight of unrealistic expectations, you create space for more authenticity—and that’s where true joy lives, and that’s where perspectives change, and healing can happen.
If I can offer one piece of advice: Please, use social media wisely if you find yourself triggered easily. Consider removing the apps from your phone for a while and give yourself the gift of a digital detox.
8. Untold Grief
Finally, there’s the grief we don’t talk about and the grief, I guess, most of us feel—the sadness that feels too personal, too complex, or even too shameful to share. This type of grief often lingers in the hidden corners of our hearts, quietly aching during the holiday season. Whether it’s the loss of a dream, a broken relationship, or struggles with mental health, untold grief can be particularly isolating.
The holidays are often a time when we’re expected to be surrounded by joy, but what if you’re carrying something too heavy to express? Too “shameful” to be shared with anyone? This weight can feel even more profound in these moments when the world around us seems filled with happiness and connection. It’s easy to think we should be “over it” or that we should simply be able to push through, but that only deepens the sense of isolation.
If you’re carrying grief that feels too complex or too difficult to talk about, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. You are not alone with this. Trust me, mostly all people carry something with them that has been untold and too hard to share.
You don’t have to share it with everyone, but acknowledging it and giving yourself permission to grieve in your own way is an important part of healing. It takes you away from feeling isolated, it brings oyu back to connection: the connection with yourself.
The Healing Journey: Finding Comfort Amid Holiday Grief
So what can you do? I’ve listed some steps that are essential and can help you navigate these heavy emotions and even empower you to start writing a different story. Let’s have a look at them:
1. Acknowledge Your Grief
As I have mentioned it throughout this article, one of the first and most important steps in healing holiday grief is acknowledging it. Be so compassionate with yourself to honor all of these heavy emotions.
It can be easy to push those feelings aside, especially when the world around us seems to demand joy and celebration. But honoring your grief is essential to finding peace. So, instead of ignoring or suppressing the sadness, simply name it. Speak it. Write it! Give it space to breathe.
You don’t have to have all the answers or be “okay” right now. You don’t have to have any answer at all. Sometimes, just saying, “This is hard” is the beginning of healing. Let yourself feel it, because only by acknowledging what’s weighing on you can you begin to move through it with grace and compassion. And this is what you’ll need a lot of during this time: grace and compassion for your beautiful self. Remember: you are not alone in this.
2. Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations
As we have already discussed, the holidays often come with a weighty set of expectations—whether it’s hosting the perfect dinner, buying the ideal gifts, or creating flawless memories. But let me tell you this: You don’t have to make the holidays perfect. There’s no such thing as perfect.
Start to create a new way of celebrating, even if that means not celebrating at all. You can always skip it. It’s your free choice.
In fact, a few years ago I did exactly that: I decided to simply not partake in it and let cancel Christmas for that year, and it felt good. Still there was grief, but the weight of all of it was lifted. It created the space I needed for allowing myself to feel what I needed to feel.
So, release the pressure of the “perfect” holiday and embrace the beauty of imperfection. Give yourself permission to celebrate in ways that feel right for you—whether that means simplifying, opting for quiet reflection, or creating new traditions. This is your season, and it can be whatever you need it to be.
3. Create New Traditions
The absence of old traditions, especially when grieving, can feel painful. But what if you could create new rituals that honor both grief and joy?
Consider lighting a candle in memory of loved ones, sharing stories about them, or volunteering to help others who are also grieving. These new traditions can hold space for both the sorrow of loss and the hope of new beginnings. Whether it’s baking a special dish, writing letters to lost loved ones, or starting a simple mindfulness practice, let these rituals be reminders that you can create meaningful moments of connection, even during difficult times.
4. Focus on What You Do Have
This is a big one. Shifting your focus is a gamechanger! It’s easy to focus on what’s missing. But there is healing power in shifting your attention to what you do have. Practice gratitude for small blessings: a warm cup of tea, a phone call with a friend, or a peaceful moment of solitude. Take time to appreciate the connections and experiences that bring you comfort now. These small moments can offer comfort when it feels like the world is moving on without acknowledging your grief.
5. Seek Support
Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Seek out the support of trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Sharing your feelings with someone who listens can be incredibly healing. If you feel the need for a deeper sense of community, consider joining a women’s circle or a grief support group. These spaces provide a safe space for you to process your emotions, share your story, and feel seen and heard. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can be the most comforting gift during the holidays, and it can make all the difference.
6. Self-Care Practices for Holiday Healing
During the busyness of the holiday season, don’t forget to care for yourself. Practice self-compassion by setting aside time for rest and reflection. I’ve recorded a special podcast edition called A Month of Grace that might be helpful for you— you can listen to it here.
I also highly recommend journaling. The power of writing it all down can help you process emotions and uncover insights you might not have found otherwise.
Another big game-changer when it comes to healing is meditation. I can’t even begin to explain how life-changing meditation is. As a gift to you, I’ve created a complete meditation guide, designed to help you find stillness and restore balance during this time, as well as in other moments of your life.
And of course, let’s not forget the master healer herself—nature. Spending time in nature can be an incredibly grounding experience, helping you reconnect with yourself.
Be mindful of your boundaries during this time. Don’t be afraid to say no to commitments that don’t align with your needs. Prioritize your well-being, and remember: you deserve care, too.
The Support You Need Through Holiday Grief
The holidays can be a time of both joy and pain, especially when you’re carrying the weight of grief. And I’m sorry that you are hurting.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, isolated, or just not sure how to navigate the season, you don’t have to go through this alone. My Overcome Holiday Grief support package is designed specifically for women who are experiencing the heaviness of loss during this time of year. Together, we’ll create a personalized plan to help you heal with self-compassion, release unrealistic expectations, and find new meaning in the season. This package provides a safe space for you to process emotions, honor your grief, and gently embrace the holidays in a way that feels right for you.
Overcome Holiday Grief: My Personalized Support Package
- 3 One-on-One Coaching Sessions: Tailored to your unique journey, we’ll dive deep into the emotional layers of your grief, exploring not only the pain of loss but all the emotions that surface during the holiday season. Together, we’ll help you process the complexities of grief, sadness, regret, longing, and any other emotions you may be carrying. Through compassionate guidance, we’ll work toward healing, finding peace, and allowing you to move forward with greater clarity and self-compassion.
- Journaling Prompts: Thoughtful and reflective prompts to help you process the full range of emotions that arise during this time. These will support you in navigating grief and finding clarity and insight as you reflect on your experiences.
- Actionable Healing Strategies: Practical tools and strategies designed to help you shift your mindset, build emotional resilience, and create space for joy, even while honoring your grief. These strategies will empower you to reclaim control, peace, and emotional well-being during this challenging season.
Investment in Your Healing:
This comprehensive package, valued at 1097 EUR, is now available for a limited time for only 997 EUR.
Book Your Free Clarity Call:
invite you to hop on a free call with me to get to know each other and explore whether this package is the right fit for you. During our chat, we’ll discuss your unique needs, and I’ll guide you on how this personalized support can help you navigate holiday grief and find peace during this challenging time.
Book your free call here.
Let’s Walk This Healing Journey Together
Grief is an inherent part of the human experience, and while it can feel overwhelming at times, healing is always within reach. The holidays can be especially tough, but they also provide an opportunity to honor your emotions and find small pockets of light amidst the darker moments.
By simply reading this, or considering reaching out, you’ve already taken a powerful step in your healing journey. Speaking with someone, whether through a call or simply reflecting on these words, allows you to begin integrating and processing your grief. This is a beautiful start.
You don’t have to navigate this season alone. If you’re struggling, know that I’m here for you. Together, we can honor your grief, create space for healing, and move towards a place of peace and renewal.
You deserve to experience peace, joy, and connection, even in life’s hardest moments. Let’s walk this path together, one step at a time.
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