February was a month that took me by surprise. It was a month of healing the heart, loss and grief, of beauty and new beginnings. My February review 2024 reflects on the rollercoaster of emotions experienced during those 29 days. Each day, I found a piece of myself that had been lost, rediscovering the strength within me. The sorrow of goodbyes was balanced by the joy of welcoming new opportunities. Embracing the dichotomy of life. February taught me that growth often comes from moments of pain, and that even in the darkest times, there is light waiting to shine through. As I close the chapter on this transformative month, I carry with me the lessons learned and the hope for a brighter month ahead. I embrace it all.
The new Women’s Singing Circle
I’m so hyped to write about this section of my February review 2024.
For a long time, before I even started working as a transformation coach, I used to work as a voice coach. In 2022, I made the choice to dedicate all my focus to my Life Coaching business and moved away from voice coaching, even though the voice had always been a key aspect of my work.
In my 2023 year review, I mentioned my goal for 2024 to dedicate more time and effort to going back to my musical practice. I also felt a strong desire to explore working with vocals again, and a big dream of mine was to start a singing circle for women. This circle would emphasize the voice as a means of connecting to our hearts and spiritual well-being, incorporating breath exercises, ancient wisdom, and communal singing to foster a deep connection among women.
When a vision comes true
When I voiced that to Kara Johnstad earlier in February, she, as the great visionary she is, made it happen, and 2 weeks later the new Women’s Singing Circle was born and launched at the School of Voice in Berlin.
The Women Singing Circle is growing slowly but steadily as more and more women from all walks of life join in harmony.
A sacred place for women to express themselves through their voice
This empowering space provides a nurturing environment where voices are raised, stories are shared, and friendships are formed. It’s always so fascinating to me how we are all connected even though we are so different.
Together in this sacred circle, we create beautiful melodies that resonate with joy and unity, embracing diversity and celebrating the strength of us women coming together.
With each note sung, a sense of connection deepens, weaving a tapestry of support and sisterhood that echoes far beyond the circle itself.
The magic that happens through journeying through the voice’s deepest facets is indescribable and truly life-changing.
If you happen to be in Berlin, then feel free to join us. Get all your information here. We’d love to have you.
Danke, liebe Nadine, für das Raumhalten und die Ehrlichkeit und Authentizität, die du mit dir bringst und im Raum verkörperst. Ich habe mich sehr wohl und gesehen im Circle gefühlt. Danke für die zwei schönen Singing Sessions, die ich als sehr magisch und tief empfunden habe.
Thank you, dear Nadine, for holding space and for the honesty and authenticity that you bring with you and embody in the space. I felt very comfortable and seen in the circle. Thank you for the two beautiful singing sessions, which I experienced as very magical and deep.
– Lea
When my soul cat Merle left Earth
On February 23, I faced the most difficult decision in my life. I had to say goodbye to my cherished feline companion, Merle.
When I got home from facilitating the Women’s Singing Circle on February 22, it was already very late. My two cats Merle and Kaspar would greet me at the door as they would always do. I gave them food and afterwards sat down on the couch to relax a little. Merle came to me in the living room and I noticed her opening her mouth frequently. I knew something was wrong. I observed her. I first thought she swallowed some cat grass and had now a hard time throwing it up. It used to happen before. I would offer Merle her favorite cat treats which she ate, and she was also still playful.
I gave her the name Merle: French and English for ‘blackbird’ because she was as vocal as a blackbird. In Irish her name means ‘radiant sea’, her eyes were as deep as the ocean, and her soul as bright and radiant as the sun.
The day everything changed
She intermittently breathed through her mouth as I observed her all night. While she slept, she appeared at ease. Kaspar, my other cat, stayed by her side the whole night. Cats know, don’t they?
The next morning, though, she started breathing through her mouth again and that’s when I knew I had to take her to the clinic immediately.
My father came and supported me. And I am grateful he was there as the events that unfolded were heart-wrenching. I’m so glad I was not alone.
It all came so sudden
Like any animal, Merle despised visiting the vet. Her heart rate would skyrocket, and she would be visibly distressed. Merle suffered from severe thyroid problems, always operating at 200%, as my vet described it. Placing her in such a stressful situation while struggling to breathe was truly heartbreaking. Over the last few weeks, she had also lost a significant amount of weight, even though she ate more than Kaspar.
Little did I know that we wouldn’t return home together.
Merle’s condition worsened
Everything happened so fast. Once we arrived at the clinic, the assistant looked at her and brought her straight to the ventilation cabin. The assistant then came to us and inquired about the intention I had in mind. Suddenly, it struck me, I started crying and we were brought to a private waiting room.
She discussed the available options and the procedures Merle would undergo to determine the underlying issue. She also informed us that her state deteriorated and it’s not clear if Merle’s even able to survive the examination due to her frailty.
The hardest decision of my life
The assistant left us alone to make the decision whether to follow through with the examination or to put her to sleep.
I cried, and cried, and cried. It was all a nightmare and my heart was breaking for my little baby girl. I couldn’t think clearly. But I also knew I could not put her through this again.
I tried to connect with her spirit but I wasn’t sure if I was actually connected to her. I asked my spirit guides to give me guidance. I called upon Mother Mary and Mary Magdalene, and I felt their warm embrace. I saw a lot of light, beautiful bright light. And I heard a voice saying: “Let me go, mommy.”
I guess, I was still in denial, I couldn’t believe that this was happening. I cried so hard, I didn’t know what to do. But then I took a deep breath and saw Merle and heard again clearly: “Let me go, mommy.”.
The moment when she took her last breath.
Everything after that happened in a blur. They took her out of the ventilation cabin and brought her to the vet. They called me in, and there she was, my darling girl. She was breathing heavily. I was in shock to see that. I went to her and kissed her, held her in my arms, comforting her while the vet was explaining to me what will happen next. He said that he could feel something in her belly area, indicating a tumor that had spread to her lungs, causing them to fill with fluid.
I whispered in Merle’s ear how much I loved her, I kissed her little head and tried to soothe her. The vet then gave her the first dose of injection. I carried her into the other room, holding her as the anesthesia took effect. She was now asleep. The vet returned to give her the final injection and then handed her back to me. And that was when Merle took her last breath. My baby girl had left this realm.
Saying goodbye to my soul cat
I was unable to comprehend what had taken place; it all unfolded so rapidly that I couldn’t grasp the fact that she was no longer with us. Both my father and I wept, and we carried her body to my father’s house for her burial. I decided to adorn her grave with lovely, vibrant flowers that reflected her playful and joyful spirit. She was pure love and joy.
‘My little blackbird: run free, play free, be free. One day we will unite again.’
Nothing’s been the same
When I got back home, I was weeping and fell apart. Kaspar, my other cat, came to greet me, comfort me, and it broke my heart that he’s now without his beloved friend and companion. Throughout the weekend, I stayed in bed, crying and trying to make sense of it all. The weight of the situation lingered. I could still hear her unique meows echoing. I kept expecting her to appear around the corner and jump onto my bed, ready to play with me. But she was not there.
Watching Kaspar search for her was heart-wrenching.
Grieving.
Trying to adapt to a new life.
Healing takes time
When you have spent more than 13 years with someone, and that someone has been an animal, and suddenly they are gone, the absence can feel overwhelming. The bond is truly special and can bring so much joy, comfort, and love into our lives.
Our fur babies love us unconditionally, they know us inside and out. They love us despite the fact that we are flawed human beings and make everything so complicated. They know all of us. They hold space, they soothe and comfort us, they play with us, and they heal us.
Animals are heart openers and healers. I wish humans would give them more credit and respect for the important role they play in our lives and human evolution. They are sacred beings who deserve to live a life in peace.
My Merlchen was my greatest teacher, my best friend, and my fountain of pure joy and love. I miss her so much.
For everyone who has lost their furry friend
The memories created over those years become cherished treasures that we hold dear in our hearts. It can be incredibly difficult to adjust to life without their presence, their wagging tail, or their gentle purrs. Grieving the loss of a beloved animal is a natural process, and it’s important to allow ourselves to feel the emotions that come with it.
Remember, it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or even a professional during this time. Please, don’t do it alone. I know not everyone will understand because they have maybe never experienced such love and closeness to an animal. Choose people who can relate and understand you. Don’t worry about what others may think or say.
Let yourself grieve, and give yourself a lot of time to grieve.
Their spirit will always live on in the love they brought into our lives.
Here’s a source that has helped me: it’s a beautiful podcast that I found. Check it out. It has soothed me, and I’ll soon write more all about what unfolded after Merle’s transition.
What else was going on in February
My outlook for March
- I’ve been working on my website and plan to have most of it done by the end of March.
- Now that the days will be longer, I intent to enhance my work-life balance by spending more time outdoors.
- I want to up my self-care regimen. Yes, there’s always another level. In my case, I want to incorporate more greens and fresh salads. As a vegan, I already eat the rainbow 😉 but my body craves more of that green elixir, now that the days get warmer and it’s time for tons of fresh fruits and veggies.
- I feel the urge to do a proper Spring Cleanse in many areas of my life, so that’s gonna happen in March.
- Something I haven’t shared yet – well, I actually briefly mentioned it in my year review 2023 – I will be launching my German website in 2024, and in March I want to continue working on it and some content in my native language. 😃
