A Month of Birthdays, Celebration and Rebirth
What a month of birthday celebrations. Summer is my favorite season and July my favorite month.
Integration and Preparation
After I got back from my little trip in Switzerland and South of Germany, which I talked about in my mid-year review, I took some time to integrate all the impressions and the many places that I’ve visited within just a few days.
My birthday was coming up, so I wanted to take it slowly and make space for reviewing my 38, soon to be 39 years around the sun.
Birthdays – A Celebration of Life
Birthdays are so special to me. Everyone who knows me quite well knows how important birthdays are for me.
It’s a celebration of life where we praise the birthday baby and appreciate their existence. For me it symbolizes joy, pure joy, the joy of life.
This life is precious – nothing more than this year has shown me how precious and fragile it is – and therefore everyday should be our birthday. Waking up from our sleep is a miracle. It should not be taken for granted at all. It’s a gift of life, it’s a renewal of life.
Making Each Day Our Birthday
When we wake up with this truth deeply integrated in our heart, our mornings, our days, our relationships, the way we look at things and the world, the way we see people and see ourselves would be a totally different story.
Our hearts would be filled with gratitude for the simplest things, we would not worry so much. Yes, life happens, we can’t prevent life from happening, but we have all the power within us to choose how we wanna respond to it.
And hey, even though I’ve been practicing that for many years, I tend to forget and get caught up in the mundane things and oftentimes – more than I wanna admit to – I fall from grace. And yet, even in that moment, when my heart closes, I can make the decision to change and drop back into my heart, and feel the truth of my heart and life itself.
As Dr. Joe always says:
“It’s not a problem that you react in your life, the problem is how long you react to it.”
We have the choice – always. We just need to remember
Loving My Inner Child
I remember when I was a child I could not wait for my birthday to come – for Christmas and my birthday. I’d plan weeks and months ahead of time, fantasizing about the cake that I wanna make, the friends that I wanna invite, the games that I wanna play and all the fun and adventures we would have together.
Luckily, I’m a summer child, so in my childhood I could celebrate my birthdays in the garden, at the beach, somewhere outside where we could let our spirits be free and wild. Unfortunately though, it so often coincided with summer break. And therefore, many times my friends could not come because they were on family vacation.
I experienced – what I call – birthday trauma quite a lot. Sometimes only 1 friend could come and all the months of planning and Vorfreude (anticipation) were shattered and I was deeply heartbroken over it. That’s why I sometimes celebrated my birthday when my friends would be back. But it was not the same. And on my birthday I mostly felt a bit alone. My parents always did their best, so it was not on them, I think I was simply meant to experience that.
Reclaiming my birthday
Long story short I’ve reclaimed my joy for birthdays back over the past few years, and I will never trade it for anything. Come what may! 😉
There are people that don’t get my excitement and pure joy when it comes to birthdays, not only mine but also those birthdays of my loved ones. I get really excited. ‘It’s a celebration, guys. Come on!!!’
I love putting thought into gift and vegan cake ideas, I love getting really creative and making something for my friends and family. I stand firm in my belief that everyone deserves a birthday cake on their birthday. 😉
Throughout the years there have been some downfalls and I kind of got “infected” by people’s ‘birthday fatigue’, but that’s over and done with.
My inner child deserves all that love and celebration. I don’t care anymore about birthday grouches.
I wanna celebrate my life and the lives of others.
The Birthday Initiation – An Invitation for retrospection
Over the years, especially in my early thirties, I noticed that there’s this certain change of energy one month before our birthday.
Have you noticed that, too?
To me it always feels like an invitation to really taking inventory and being truly honest with myself. It’s a subtle energy at first and then it gets momentum somehow, all building up to that very special day of celebration. It’s not a negative energy at all, it’s all in our favor and it doesn’t have to be heavy either. As I said, it is an invitation to look deeper and see things in hindsight and get a broader perspective. I love this time, because it means growth. It means I can gain perspective and welcome the new version of myself.
And that is what it is: we’re welcoming and birthing a new version of self. Letting go of what no longer serves us and what we have outgrown to welcoming all the things that are aligned with this new energy.
Fourth of July – My Birthday
A couple of days prior to my birthday, I decided to spend it alone. I like being on my own. As an only-child I’m so familiar and comfortable with being by myself. I love my own company. And on this day I wanted to honor all the many versions of myself that I have morphed into and out of in the past 12 months. So much has happened in my 38th year of earth life that it took me quite a moment to connect with all of it, making space for all the joy and grief, for all the beautiful moments, as well as the challenging and trying times.
Birthday Buddies – they are simply priceless
My dear friend and soul sister Colena made sure to send me a pre birthday gift – decoration items, all in one of my favorite colors which is light pink. I love her. To have friends like that is simply priceless.
So, I followed her instructions and decorated my living room. I made a birthday altar and put all the presents and flowers there. I bought myself beautiful and lush pink and white lilies. How I love lilies!
Colena also sent me a big parcel full of beautiful gifts to open on my special day.
We’ve been having this thing with our birthdays. We would always send each other cards and gifts, rejoicing with each other. Two Cancerian soul-sisters in their mermaidy and watery element. It’s pure joy!
What Do They Say About Cancerians?
Who says Cancerians are always moody and emotional?!?
Yes, we are, but we know how to love and make other people feel good, and we’re as deep as the ocean, with lots of hidden treasures that one only sees when they’re willing to get into that water. And we have a good sense of humor, if you haven’t noticed it. Bam, there you have it. 😉
A Simple Birthday
In the morning of July 4th, after I did my meditation, celery juice, and the whole self-care regimen, I opened my birthday gifts and inhaled the beauty of this moment. This was for my inner child.
I got beautiful cards, flowers and gifts from loved ones, and wore the wonderful ring my dear friend Katya gifted me for my birthday a couple of weeks prior.
Low Impact – Low Effort
This year I aimed for a low impact birthday. To make it really easy on me, I rested a lot, I was chilling on my couch with my 2 adorable cats Merle and Kaspar. I received many messages and even phone calls (can you believe it: phone calls?) and let myself feel whatever needed to come up.
In order to take really good care, I made good food – that’s my specialty: I love good (vegan) food and I know how to take extra good care of myself.
Earlier I said that everyone deserves a birthday cake and that obviously includes me as well. But this year I decided to not have a cake, instead I went for a delicious vegan cashew raspberry cream I made for myself. It was absolutely yummy and soul nourishing, it was pink and perfect.
Later in the evening, I drove to Potsdam, the capital of the federated state of Brandenburg, where I treated myself to some delicious vegan sushi, went for a nice long walk, got home and went to bed. That’s it. Simple.
Some birthdays are just like that and some are more busy and celebratory. However we choose to celebrate, we gotta make sure to do what feels best for us.
A Perfect Mirror – Two Total Strangers
The next day, when the weather was much nicer and warmer, I again escaped to Potsdam.
I treated myself to another birthday meal and afterwards went for a walk, inhaling fresh energy, allowing in the new, contemplating and going with the flow.
As I was walking, I was drawn to go into a shop where they sell crystals and incense, and as I walked in I heard a female customer saying to the owner of the shop that yesterday (July 4th) was her birthday and she wanted to treat herself to something nice. I said happy birthday belated, it was also my birthday yesterday. This young woman was so excited and her energy almost spilled over. We hugged each other and wished each other all the best.
Two total strangers connecting. I loved it. What I loved even more was her enthusiasm and excitement for her birthday. A wonderful mirror. Isn’t it fascinating how we attract things? Those kinds of synchronicities are my favorites.
She was so excited and couldn’t believe all the many serendipities that were happening to her. What a cutie-pie! Unfortunately, I forgot her name. I wish her all the best.
Another Birthday in Kiel
In spring of this year, before everything came crashing down, I made a pact with myself to see and visit as many friends as I can. Most of my friends do not live in Berlin, in fact they are all spread around the globe which is amazing because there’s always someone to visit. The shadow side of it though is that I don’t get to see them very often, a lot of them I have never even met in person. Therefore, I made this my little project for the next few years, combining it with traveling which I find is simply a genius idea.
And I have never seen my soul sister Colena on her birthday, so I booked the tickets and traveled to Kiel, to the Baltic Sea.
We had a lovely time together. We decorated her living room so it’s all birthday-y and cute. She bought herself a cake and I brought the candles. On Colena’s special day, the weather was all over the place: a lot of wind – very typical for Kiel –, a lot of rain, then sunshine, then rain, paired with a lot of wind, then gray clouds and a stormy breeze, sunshine, and the whole things all over again. Sometimes the weather reflects what is going on inside of us. And for sure, birthdays have the potential to bring up all the things that need to be processed.
July – The Month of Celebration and Healing
We’re emotional beings, we feel, and we feel deeply if we allow ourselves to. With so much watery energy it was no wonder that we felt all the feels. I think it’s beautiful. There’s no need to camouflage any of it away. It’s imperative that we let ourselves be and feel. So we weathered the storm – quite literally – and made the most of it.
The Cleansing Power of Water
It’s been quite some time since I have been to the Baltic Sea. During my childhood I spent countless days and weeks there. Way back in the former GDR we didn’t have many options to travel, so the Baltic Sea was always that go-to place.
And when I smelled that Baltic air my body remembered and in a sense it was like homecoming. This body of water will always have a special place in my heart.
Colena and I decided to go for a swim even though it was so chilly and windy outside.
Before we got to the beach, we stopped by a cute café and had some hot tea to warm ourselves up (we’re talking about Summer here).
The super nice owner of the Galerie-Café Roehrskrog – who by the way didn’t want to charge us for our cups of tea (what a generous man) – told us that the water was simply amazing and that we should try and get in. And of course that was our plan.
Jumping Into the Cold Water
And he was right. Even though I had a hard time getting in, once I was in it felt AMAZING. It was perfect. I felt like a new person.
We just gotta jump into it, leaving the comfort zone. That goes for everything in life.
Making Time for Myself – Enjoying Nature
In order for me to process and find peace within I go into nature and find new paths that I haven’t walked yet. I try to make sure that I explore places that I haven’t been to. And every single time I’m amazed by how much there actually is to explore here in Berlin-Brandenburg. How long have I been living here again? It never seizes to amaze me that there’s always something more to explore.
I like escaping to Potsdam since the vibe just vibes with me 😉 and the nature there is simply exquisite.
As a side note: Come and join the Walk for the World on September 23. It’s for free and available in 8 different languages. You don’t need any meditation experience at all to be part of this. Let’s walk for a world that we all co-create. It’s gonna be so much fun. Over 50,000 people have already joined from more than 120 countries. Be part of this movement, let’s walk in love and joy for us, the world, the future.
Healing even deeper – Rebirthing
July felt very deep and watery. And it was calling me to move with the ebb and flow, to be in the silence of the calm sea, and to navigate its crashing waves. The month of July was a whirlwind of all sorts of emotions wanting to be processed.
I was called to go inward even deeper, heal even deeper, feel even deeper.
For this reason I joined the Light Blast by Medical Medium, a live healing event with more than over 80,000 people attending worldwide. It was spectacular and I felt so much old and stagnant energy leaving my body from head to toe. It was quite impressive to say the least. During the Light Blast I was crying, releasing pain and heartache, then I was laughing, then I was crying, and I was left with this amazing sense of peace in my heart.
Then later that month I joined the 7-day Collecting Stones Meditation also facilitated by Medical Medium.
I collected my stones in my house, even though it was suggested to go to a place in nature and find the stones that call us. On that day all the odds were against me going to a place in nature, so I found them at home. Nevertheless, the selected stones were very significant.
How I picked the stones or how the stones picked me
I chose one stone of brown-orange color that I picked in 2002 when I was doing my exchange high school year in Oklahoma, USA from 2001 to 2002.
My host daddy James told me that this stone was native to Oklahoma and you couldn’t find it anywhere else. So it was very special to me with lots of memories of this time.
The other stone that I chose for this experience I had picked after one of my walking meditations in Canún, México in December 2021. It was during the Week Long Advanced Retreat by Dr. Joe Dispenza. This beautiful bluish stone was a symbol for infinite potential and held so many wonderful memories.
The third stone of my choice was from the Baltic Sea in Kiel when I was visiting my friend Colena just a few weeks prior. It was a light beige-brown colored, beautiful treasure. And for some very strange reason, it was the only stone I picked on that day.
That’s very uncharacteristic of me, I usually pick more than one stone. But then it would all make sense later on.
Releasing and Healing
Each stone represented one thing I wanted to let go of after those 7 days of keeping them close to me and doing many exercises with them. I journaled a lot and surely many, many things from the past 6 months would come up.
That’s the thing with grief and healing: there’s always another layer, always something more that we weren’t ready to see before. Our bodies are amazing in compartmentalizing and only processing what the nervous system is capable of handling at that time.
Once we healed that layer – meaning we became aware of it and integrated what needed to be processed – there’s now more space for the next thing to come to the surface. It’s an ever-unraveling process. And it’s beautiful. Allowing ourselves to let go: that’s the ultimate liberation.
The Month of Birthdays Continues
Lots of people I know, friends and family members celebrate their birthday in July. One of them is my dear friend Salwah who I met in 2011 in Nakuru, Kenya. Our friendship and sisterhood deepened when I spent another 6 months in Kenya from July 2013 to January 2014. We’ve always stayed in touch ever since. And it was in July of 2022 when we reunited after almost 9 years.
And I wanted to take a moment to appreciate our bond. I love my fellow Cancers. They’re my tribe. 🙂
I always think of my grandfather a lot in July. His birthday was on July 2. I always felt very close to him. He was also very artistic, creative, and psychic like me. I miss him.
And I miss my friend Gisela who passed away in February of this year. Her birthday was one day before mine. Surrendering to the cycle of life.
I made space for grieving, and celebrating her. Gosh, it’s not easy, though. This human here typing these words has a hard time letting go of people she loves.
When grief hits you like a crashing wave
On July 18th another wave of immense grief hit me. I expected it to be hard, but that hard?! It brought up all the memories and heartache.
It would’ve been my cousin Daniel’s 32nd birthday.
The birthdays that cannot be celebrated any longer are the hardest. I cried a lot, went through pictures, lit candles and made even more space to allow those tears to and for me to break open and apart.
His son’s birthday – Joel Luan – is on July 22. He turned 3 years old. I can’t even imagine his pain and how it must be to grow up without his father. I will do the best I can to guide Joel along with other wonderful people that were close Daniel.
Visiting my Hometown
An old friend from school messaged me that she would be in Templin at the end of July. Templin is the place I grew up in and went to school at. So I suggested that I’d see her and visit my hometown. I haven’t been to Templin in a long time. I don’t feel at home there. Even though it’s so beautiful and rich in nature and bodies of water, I have a troublesome relationship with this place.
But it felt good to be back. It all tied in perfectly with the inner healing. It really felt like I made peace with where I was born.
Friederike and I have known each other since we were 13 years old. That would make it 26 years now. Wow. I’ve literally just realized that. Rike has always been a very loyal friend and even though there have been times, months and even years we haven’t been in much contact with one another, we would always send each other birthday messages. I value those kinds of connections. And I value loyalty more than anything.
Some friendships last a lifetime
After knowing each other for so many years and going through various ups and downs together throughout those years, there’s been this particular rapport and strong hearted familiarity between us.
I love how each friendship and relationship feels so unique and different; and that with each bond made there’s a different world to be explored within us.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anais Nin
It was so good to see her and spend some time together, walking by the lake where so many childhood memories got evoked. We walked around the town wall and then picked cherry plums from the trees. My heart was full. The simplicity of these kinds of things has a calming effect on my nervous system. Picking fruits from the trees makes me happy and it reminds me of my dream of having my own orchard. On that day I felt a bit closer to that dream, to my future self.
Visiting my Mother
After my meeting with Rike I visited my mother in her garden and had some sage tea and a chat with her. She prepared green and yellow beans for me, ready to eat, and gave me some delicious veggies and berries. How lovely of her to do this for me. I was well-equipped when I got back to Berlin.
With a heart full of gratitude I returned home. I felt replenished and energized. It was again so clear to me that I want to grow my own food. Dreaming my big garden into reality.
Eating the Rainbow
Everyone who knows me knows how much I love food and how much I love eating. I’ve been vegan for more than 9 years and I’m thriving on this lifestyle. Not diet – lifestyle!
With a long background in eating disorders and disordered eating, it’s very crucial to me to take extra good care of the type of food that enters my body. Peace Food as Ruediger Dahlke calls it. And it sure is. Once you start eating more plants and going vegan your whole system starts to change and your perspectives shift, it’s like seeing the world through a new set of eyes.
I will dedicate an entire blog article on this topic, for now enjoy with me the richness of colors and flavors of plant-based dishes that I enjoyed in July.
Rebirth Of My Apple Tree
After over 7 years my apple tree decided to spread its roots. One day I got out on my balcony and was shocked when I saw all the yellow and fallen leaves. It was the middle of July. I was so sad and thought that would be it. She (yes, my apple tree is female 😉 ) will also part from this world. So I sent pictures to my mother and she told me that my apple tree simply needs more space for its roots to grow and spread. That was also the reason why there weren’t any apples, my apple tree wasn’t strong enough to carry any fruits.
I’ve been working a lot on new content for future projects, I spent a lot of time constructing and writing, reminding myself to go slow and rest. After all, it has been a lot. Sometimes I overestimate my energy levels because I have so much creative life force energy moving through my body that it’s hard to sit still and rest and not use it all up. I’ve been learning new ways of caring for myself. What once was enough is not enough now, I need to double dose in rest and self-care as I’m navigating life’s curve balls, calming my nervous system as I’m doing the things that fill me up with joy. This is an invitation to all of you to up-level your self-care/love regimen.
Time Capsule to the Moon
And I want to close this review with some exciting news: a piece of my music and art creation is now in a time capsule on its way to the moon. Here’s where you can read it about it. I’m very honored to be part of it. Thank you to the amazing soul who made this awesome opportunity possible. So much gratitude.
“Gratitude is the ultimate state of receivership.” – Dr. Joe Dispenza